Heather Hopes: Singled Out

By HEATHER CATHLEEN COX 

Heather Cathleen Cox

Heather Cathleen Cox


Staff Writer
Reporter@sbnewspaper.com

As February rolls around, you will probably begin to notice local shops are becoming saturated with red and pink hearts. You’ll likely see additional aisles of chocolates and greeting cards spring up in stores. If you’re not careful, you may even catch yourself fondling an otherwise unassuming teddy bear – if for no other reason than he just looks so darned cute sitting on the shelf nearest the cashier.

I never understood why Americans have commercialized a holiday that instills value in showing people all of your love on one day of the year, then treat them however you feel like the rest of the year. It seems so vain to me. Why not just love people and show them how you feel as frequently as possible? Why only buy your loved ones flowers and gifts and shower them with love in mid-February?

I digress.

So, it’s fair to say that Valentine’s Day is not my favorite holiday. Comparatively, my birthday is February 12, and it often gets lumped into the festivity. Not unlike the kid with the birthday on Christmas Eve who only gets one present, I get Valen-birth-day. And that’s if I’m in a relationship at all.

I know I’m not the first person to speculate that Valentine’s Day is really a devilish ploy against single folks, designed to make us feel inadequate and perhaps propel us to question our entire existence. At the very least, the day causes us to consider accepting dates from individuals we would otherwise rather chew off our arm than dine with.

You’ve heard the stereotype, that if you’re a woman of a certain age and you’re not married or engaged or even seriously dating someone that you’re really a spinster who needs to adopt twelve cats and prepare to die alone. Or if you’re a man of a certain age and you’re not married or engaged or even seriously dating someone, you’re probably just a commitment phobic, lifetime bachelor who isn’t finished playing the field.

I’m not here to combat either of those stereotypes. I’m just making mention of the fact society gives serious denotations to singles. Men or women.

Why does the label for one individual successfully living life have to be single, anyway? And does single really have to be a bad thing? Even the word single bears negative connotations. What if I’m actually proud of the fact that I don’t have nine kids from seven baby daddies, three failed marriages or strings of men leaving my apartment every night? What if I’m proud of the fact that I’m selective about who I date, and I am not defined by having someone or not having someone, and I am going to remain contentedly alone rather than settle for someone out of convenience who is not totally the right person for me.

I guess I’m just posing that there is life without a significant other. As someone who hopes to be happily married with a family of my own one day, I must also admit that today, I have all the love and romance in my life I could ever want simply for the fact I have a real relationship with Jesus Christ.

I have had serious relationships with the wrong men, and after learning from my mistakes I finally learned a valuable lesson: It is much better to be alone than with the wrong person.

So this Valentine’s Day season, if you know someone single, don’t make their life ten more shades of awkward by asking them if they’re sad. Don’t pressure them to find a date if they aren’t saying they want one. Don’t coerce them into some sort of set-up situation.

If you know someone who is truly living their life as best they can but without a “significant other,” just let them be. If you are a “single,” you’re not alone, and you don’t have to jump into some less-than-stellar situation just so you can feel accepted by society. Do what you feel is right for your life.

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Permanent link to this article: https://www.sbnewspaper.com/2015/01/30/heather-hopes-singled-out/

1 comment

    • Rosalinda G. Garcia on January 31, 2015 at 7:12 pm
    • Reply

    That is an excellent story on Valentines Day. Another commercialized day. These huge bears that will be given and later you will see on a garage sale. If we do away with Valentines day——Yahoo! Men will have a little extra money in their pocket after not being pressured that you have to get that special someone something on Valentines Day! My goodness, some families just spent the house/rent or car payment a month or so before.
    Christmas! How I love Christmas!!! In about 8 months the decorating begins again!

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